I don’t know if you guys had noticed but I kind of lost my mojo in June. I had a writing block and I couldn’t concentrate on one thing at a time for very long. I had quite a lot of things going on in June, after going away for the first weekend of June…I was finding it hard to get back into the swing of things when I got back…then my son got an ear infection which resulted in him being home from school…then after that it was my daughters turn. Fast forward 2 weeks…my whole schedule for June was ruined. I didn’t even know where to start to catch up.
I don’t know about you but when I don’t have a plan to follow…I fall into a down spiral of procrastination. I was finding myself lots of things to keep me busy but I wasn’t really being productive.
However, now that I have done some reflection I see now that is was properly down to it being a year since my Kev passed away. Kev was my best friend and adoptive dad (not legally but in our hearts). I wrote a post about Kev here, if you would like to read it.
Kev was the first close person in my life that I have lost… and my way of dealing with the grief was to jump into my work and keep myself busy doing things that I love to keep my mind off my heart breaking loss. Kev was my role model and inspiration to follow through with my love for creating and writing. I took the plunge into entering the world of creative entrepreneurship to honour his memory.
If you had known me before this, I was living in fear of everything. I was in a state of deep depression and suffering from low self-esteem and anxiety. I promised myself that each day I would push myself more out my comfort zone each day to make my dreams of being a writer and creative entrepreneur a reality. And I have done just that…I am still in the beginning chapter of this new life that I have planned for myself but I am so proud of what I have achieved so far.
I am telling you this because during my time getting here…I had been blocking my pain of grief behind it. With the anniversary of the loss of my friend upon me…my pain has all rushed to the surface and I don’t know how much longer I can keep it locked within me. I think this past year I have been in a state of denial, and it has flown by so fast. I have been jumping from one creative idea to the next just to keep myself busy.
With my unplanned break last month, the realisation hit me that I had not actually given myself time in my ‘plan’ and ‘schedule’ to actually grieve.
Although I am glad of all the progress I have made, because I have grown so much as a person …personally, professionally and spiritually. I think the time has come that I need to take the next step in the grieving process and accept the reality that I am never going to see him again. I often wake in the middle of the night…in shock all over again that he is actually gone.
It’s like I have been in a dream all this last year…nothing is real. My life has totally changed…but it hasn’t been me changing it….it has been a robot me on auto pilot!
My mind has been constantly on the go, thinking of new ideas and how I can implement them. Taking on extra things that in reality I didn’t have time for. However, I was jumping from one idea to the next without actually seeing any of them through.
I have read so many books, blogs etc. on personal and spiritual development this last year, that before I have had time to implement anything I learnt from one book I was jumping on the next books theory’s. Each book has a different outlook on the said subjects that they sometimes contradict each other…which was causing me to become confused and lost in my thought patterns. I wasn’t actually taking a step back to reflect on those theories to see what MY actual opinion was about them.
What did I really think?
Did I actually agree with them or did the theories contradict with my own values?
I was taking everything at face value and not looking within myself to listen to what my own inner voice was telling me. I wasn’t only burying my inner critic deep inside me…(to stick to my promise to myself to push myself out my comfort zone), I was burying my inner self along with it.
During last month’s break from constantly burying thoughts…I unexpectedly allowed my inner critic to break free again…it was screaming at me from inside….
You are stupid to think you could do this!
Creative entrepreneur, who do you think you are!
Nobody in the right mind would want to read what you have got to say!
Everyone is laughing at how bad your YouTube videos are…!
My thoughts were beginning to paralyse me. The dark side of my ego popped back into my unconscious mind and was playing some nasty tricks on me.
Once I realised this…There was only one thing I could do!
I jumped into my journal and did some hard core brain dumping. I stick to my mantra that journaling is the best self-therapy you can do for your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
I have come to the conclusion that in my professional life;
I need to spend less time keeping myself busy and more time focusing on being productive.
In my personal life;
I need to spend less time in my head and more ‘real’ time in the present moment.
I have come to the conclusion that I need to separate my professional and personal life and create more of a balanced schedule.
(In my free time I was thinking about my creative ideas, in my ‘working’ time I was thinking about what I was going to do in my free time).
And last but not least… I need concentrate on my physical well being a lot more then I have been.
At the beginning of this year I planned on sticking to a schedule of fitting in yoga and meditation into my day….it lasted about 2 month. I do still fit these into my weeks…but it is more sporadically. Leaving it to a time when I know I need to do something to concentrate or relax.
And I also need to take more notice of my diet…if you read my last post, you would have heard, read me mention that I don’t like cooking. I will always go for the easier and quicker option when it comes to eating. Resulting in me choosing the wrong things to eat. This is something that I really need to work on.
I bought the Wellness Planner from Kikki K, thinking this would inspire me to take more notice of my diet and exercise but it has been unused and just sitting looking pretty in my collection.
I need to start using this ‘beautiful’ planner, to get this part of my life on track. To hold myself accountable…I will write a post (or status on my Facebook Group) of my set up and keep you updated with my progress. If you don’t see one of these posts in the next month or so PLEASE contact me to remind me.
I think it is important to finding someone to hold you accountable when trying to reach any personal goals…it gives you extra motivation to actually follow through with them. If you need an accountability partner…I will happily be yours. Join my Facebook Group and we can all be each other’s.
I have created this closed Facebook Group to be a safe and friendly environment, where we can all support and share experiences. A problem shared is a problem halved. I have also created it for you to come and share inspiration with others…with whatever creative endeavour you take part in. But don’t worry if you don’t have a creative hobby…you are still welcome J
As we are on the topic of accountability, I have also created a new blogging and YouTube schedule I want to stick to, here it is;
Monday: YouTube video
Wednesday: Blog Post
Friday: A corresponding Blog post and YouTube video
Sunday: A random, anything…if I have something to share.
I have really been enjoying making ‘Journal with Me’ videos. I am slowly learning the best ways to film and edit etc. and really enjoying the process. They are a mixed video of my creative journaling process with a mini vlog at the beginning. If this interest you…here is a link to the playlist.
At the minute I have only been creating crafty related videos, but I have plans in the future to create some Personal-development related videos…where I will share some creative ideas and tools that I use to reflect and stay on track of living a more fulfilled life. I plan on doing book reviews and sharing what I have learnt from them and what I have personally taken from the book to implement into my life. (This will also help and remind me to do this before I jump to the next book).
Would you let me know in the comments if this is something you would be interested in?
Also could I ask your advice on whether I should separate my crafty related videos from my personal-development related videos with different YouTube accounts? Because I know that people who are interested in crafty things aren’t so interested in personal-development and vice versa! I suppose that is what makes my channel unique… what do you guys think? I would love to hear your feedback. Because the only reason I am thinking about creating these videos is to help other people live a more fulfilled life… (While helping myself) so it is really down to what you guys would like to see.
100 Creative Journal Prompt Challenge
If you have been following along with me over the past 6 month, you will have seen the Journaling series I did called ‘A Beginner’s Crash Course on Journaling’ and the spontaneous challenge I created afterwards. The challenge was called ‘100 Creative Journal Prompt Challenge’. But it was to basically complete 100 journal prompts and share your entries with my on my Facebook Group or Instagram. I created the challenge to have 3 winners and although it was off to a good start, with one person winning within a few weeks…it hasn’t had much more interest.
I am happy enough to call this challenge a win and a loss on my half, because I did inspire at least one person to journal and a learnt a lot about what works and doesn’t work for when and if I decide to create another challenge.
If you are just hearing about this challenge now… I am so sorry but I will be closing the competition as of today, but if you would still like to download the journaling prompts to do them in your own time…please feel free to do so….
There was meant to be 3 winners as mentioned before, and they were to win a personalised handmade journal made by me. However, there was only the one winner and I made a YouTube video going through the final product….
Here’s the video if you would like to check it out…
Pastel Kawaii Alpaca Journal
Something exciting coming up
Since last month was a month of reflection and re-evaluating, though my journaling I realised I didn’t only need to spend more time on my nutritional diet, I needed to spend more time on my emotional diet and start feeding myself SELF-LOVE!
I need to learn to love and accept myself…I need to learn to give myself a break…I need to start looking after Mind, Body and Spirt. Embracing my true authentic self and allowing my light to shine through without worrying what people will think of me.
During my readings and research I have done on the subject of self-love, I have been inspired to create workbook and eBook on the subject to help others achieve TRUE self-love. I have noticed the phase ‘self-love’ gets thrown around a lot, but do people actually know what it means to truly love them self no matter what? It is so important to have a good relationship with yourself, as much as it is to have good relationships with others.
I know this fact…but how do we actually achieve this kind of affection towards ourselves? If we have lived for so long, doubting and second guessing everything we think and do…how do we beat the deep rooted neural thinking patterns that is ingrained so far into our brains?
In the eBook I cover chapters around the subjects of habits, your ego, battling body issues, letting go of your past and much, much more.
In the workbook, I give you action steps to complete and journal questions to get you thinking about your self-worth in a whole different way.
I am not sure what the eBook and workbook will be called yet, but it will be ready and available to download for FREE in about a month or so…I am still working on it to iron out the fine details. But I just thought I would let you know that it was in the works. If you think this could be something that will benefit you or be of interest you… subscribe to my email list so you don’t miss out on it.
I have created this in a way that everything you need to know about self-love is in one place, with questions and action steps that you can take immediately to improve your self-confidence and self-esteem. This is going to be something I REALLY wanted to find when I started my search, but instead inspired to create myself.
You may be thinking…
“What advice can you give me, if I you are still on the journey to finding TRUE Self-Love”
… well I admit that I am not an expert but I can share my experiences and my knowledge so far with you.
Here is a Quote from a book I have just been reading called…. LIGHT IS THE NEW BLACK by Rebecca Campbell.
Be OK with where you are and all that you have right now – especially the bits that you are working on. The people you are here to guide are the ones who are a few steps behind you. You don’t need to have it all sorted, or be an expert…
It’s your humanness that truly touches people,
…not your superhuman-ness.
She then went on to say…
You don’t need to pretend or prove that you have it all together, rather just share what you have figured out so far. We are all in a school of life together. There is no final destination, no end point, just increased consciousness and a deeper understanding.
So I have took Rebecca’s advice and started creating this little package of self-love and I would like to share with whoever needs it. I do not promise that I have it all worked out…heck I might never have it all worked out! But if my findings and words can touch just a small amount of people, I will feel like I have served a purpose.
My divine inspiration has knocked on my door and asked me to create this self-love package and I have agreed and signed the contract.
(A little inside joke from another book by Elizabeth Gilbert, called BIG MAGIC)
While we are on the subject of books…I will be doing a book review on both of these books mentioned (so keep your eyes peeled for that)
And if you haven’t already…I highly recommend you read these books if you are at a time in your life where you are searching for something deeper…
Here’s some links to where you can find these books to buy and read them for yourself;
Until then… I would just like to tell you if you don’t already know…I share Daily Affirmations over on my Instagram account, to spread positivity, motivation and love around as much as I can.
Well this post has been longer then I had expected, but it has come to an end. If you have read through all of this post I would just like to thank you for taking the time out of your day to do so. If you have any questions, queries or feedback from anything you have read here today…please leave a comment down below. I love to hear from you guys 🙂
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